onsdag den 7. juni 2017


  • Dechen Yultso's spontaneous teachings
    How to trust ourselves: Pain and grief work.
    If we're stuck in destructive sado-masochistic patterns, because we're addicted to them, i.e. we get sexual or mental pleasure out of our own or some else's pain/being hurt, there are several ways of getting out of them.
    After they have become conscious, we can act them out in the bedroom, disentangling them from wanting to hurt the heart, just making them a dynamics of forcing or being forced in a sexual game of empowerment. In this game it's important to invert the roles once in a while - and negotiate them - so that both (or more) partners feel empowered by the game.
    In this way we become aware of what arouses us and at the same time we create a new situation of taking responsibility for not harming anyone, physically or emotionally.

    However, this is not enough. Also, we may not wish to check out these sexual versions of destructive sado-masochistic behavior. And eventually, or at the same time, we have to go into the pain and grief that created this dynamics in us - if we want to step out of it.
    When a situation arises where we feel the impetus to take on either a sadistic or masochistic role, we have to make a mental note, try to stop the impetus and see what emotions come to the fore. Later or at that moment we need to stay with the emotion created by this impetus.
    Usually it will be anger, fear, shame or guilt. And there will be some situation in our childhood which created these emotions. The sadist will most often feel anger, whereas the masochist will feel fear, both of which have been transformed into self-loathing pleasure (guilt and/or shame) at some point.
    In order to transform these emotions we have to go into the underlying pain and/or grief which stems from the hurt inflicted upon us in the abusive situation.
    Most of us are so stuck in the abusive pattern that we find it hard to see we were hurt, because we tend to feel loyalty and even love for those who abused us. So, instead of overthrowing the abusive pattern (which would be logical) we repeat it, stepping into the role of either the abuser or the abused, over and over. Often, if we're stuck in the pattern, we can take both positions interchangeably, always feeling the self-pitying victim of the situation.
    More soon about pain and grief-work.

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